and there i was, trying to avoid the one question i knew was going to mess me up all over again. i mean, what was i supposed to say? what was i supposed to do? i tried, i really did try to keep my cool. it was just another one of those questions anyway right? well, it wasn’t. because that ONE question, it means a lot. it hits me like crazy. and i guess i wasn’t supposed to overreact, i guess i shouldda just answered it directly. but i just didn’t have enough strength to carry that shit on like it didn’t remind me of someone, like it didn’t bring me back to those memories.

and there i was, wondering, thinking, wishing, believing, that it was you all along. and maybe it was, i’m hoping it was. but really, what difference would that make? because honestly, it’s been quite some time since we’ve managed to say the things worth saying and it’s been quite awhile since i had enough of me to pour my heart out there for you. and even when i did, you treated that like shit. so what’s the point right?

ugh, idek anymore. i guess all i was hoping for was that you still thought of me, still believed in me, still remembered all those things you said. idk, maybe i’m just being stupid like i always am. i mean, it’s always whatever anyway right? so there you go, it’s whatever.

ugh, maybe all i really wanted was for that one question to come out of your mouth. will it ever happen? will it happen now, today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year? will you ever try to get all of it back? ….. do you even care enough? .. still?

or maybe .. just maybe, has it already happened? today …?

i honestly did think this would bring us back. that  you would realize “hey, i kinda miss her. maybe i should say hi, greet her, bring back old times”. but no, you pretended as if nothing ever happened, and i guess that’s what hurts the most. hoping for something but in the end, realizing that shit like that won’t ever happen. idk, i guess i was just expecting you to feel the way i wanted you to feel. whelp, shouldda known better.

i wish we could bring it all back. 

Lol i’m down to that point where i dont even know who and what to trust anymore.

My two best friends aren’t exactly getting along at the moment and now I’m stuck here in the middle. The first one is actually trying to fix things, or wants to anyway, and isn’t doing shit that affects well, me, but keeps telling me all these things that she’s not liking with the other one. While the other one is telling me all these things about the first one, about how this first one hates me apparently and is just faking it and bulshitting me. How could you even believe such a thing though? This first girl and I have been so close for way too long and for her to just randomly tell me that this girl hates me is just, pathetic. Honestly though, my mind is slowly believing it because my other best friend and I tell each other EVERYTHING too and I don’t think shemd ever say anything that wouldn’t be true. But ugh, it just seems like a pathetic lie. I mean, how the hell do I even comprehend? The first girl and I, we’ve had like the best times and we’re literally like twins . We’ve even had the worst days and we’ve had like crazy fights but that just makes true friends. While the other one, well we’ve had good times too, and we literally have been through the worst together . Ughhhh, what should I do, this is all so complicated . I don’t know what to believe in anymore /: